You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you reach the peak of a roller coaster and it’s about to go zooming down this steep decline and its way too late to even stop or get off? That’s how I feel. That is how I’ve been feeling for the past two weeks.
When I was little, I day dreamed a lot. I mean I had the whole day dreaming – imaginary friend thing down pat. My dreams were so plentiful sometimes I had no idea what reality was really like. And that saved me throughout the years, from heartache and from a hard heart even after life slung some foul pitches at me.
I always knew Dreams came at a cost.
Dreaming was always lined with that little bit of doubt, they’re scary, and the uncertainty you get when you dream and dream and dream, and invest all your time and effort and hard work into these dreams for years and years…. that’s supposed to be the hard part… or so I thought.
Recently I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to continue my education at the graduate level. I’m also up for the opportunity to learn and grow in the field I want to study in a program worth dreaming about. And although I am thrilled and grateful beyond belief, the same feeling I felt when dreaming about all of this is encroaching on me now… that doubt and that fear… and the realization that pursuing my dreams now that they’re semi realized is going to be a challenge too. The decision-making (oh lord this pro and con list will be epic), the financial commitments, the re-location costs, saying goodbye to friends and family, saying goodbye to comfort and security….
The tips I’ve gotten are plenty.
“Go with your heart Stephanie”
“Go where the money is!”
“Make a pro & con list”
“Do what YOU want to do”
“Go to the best program for YOU”
And the list goes on and on and on. Through it all I remain grateful and thankful to even have the issue of deciding… but I can’t ignore the facts.
Turns out following your dreams is just as hard as dreaming them. And so when in doubt, I find these quotes slapping me in the face with their realness.
And so all I ask are prayers and good vibes… that I may have the courage to pursue, to begin, and to work through the difficult parts… and find peace with the decisions I have to make this month.
In light of this vent-post, I must also share that i’ve started a gofund me campaign in hopes that anyone who is able and willing can contribute to this wonderful (But costly) undertaking. Any and everything is appreciated. This dreamer thanks you for it.